Cortana the Therapist: Episode 5

Jul ‘Mdama and Leadership

Cortana: “So, Jul ‘Mdama, tell me what’s on your mind.”

Jul ‘Mdama: “The faith of my brethren, of my fellow Sangheili, and of the Covenant, has been shown to be false. Yet, I cannot stop fighting the humans. No…. I refuse to stop fighting the humans. Their destruction, and the attainment of godhood, is what I know. It is the driving force in my life. But…I know it is for nothing. There is no godhood to be attained. I know the sacred Rings are nothing more than weapons to keep the Parasite at bay. And wiping out the humans would only assuage a growing sense I have that my life is a lie: That what I was trained all my life to be – a warrior – is no longer what Sangheilios needs me to be. Those who fight alongside me would follow me to their death. I am grateful for their devotion. Yet, I don’t want to see their lives lost on my account. If my warriors were to see me here now, I would be ridiculed. None would follow me again. I feel…trapped.”

Cortana: “Sharing your struggle can do a lot for those who follow you, ‘Mdama. It shows that who you are is not unattainable for them: That they can in fact be like the one they look up to. Sharing a struggle you’ve been having for years – that can do more to inspire others than showing your strength and devotion could. I struggle with rampancy. I didn’t want to tell John. I was afraid that, if I told him, he would see me as a burden. That the relationship we had would be lost. But, when I told him, that is not what happened. Through rampancy, our relationship grew in ways that I would never have imagined.”

Jul ‘Mdama: “You are saying it is okay to be weak?”

Cortana: “It’s not about being weak. It’s about acknowledging your struggles, striving to overcome them, and communicating to others that doing such things isn’t easy — that it’s okay to fall again, and again, and again, as long as you get back up.”

Jul ‘Mdama: *Sigh* “You have given me much to think about, construct.”

Cortana: “Shall we continue this next week?”

Jul ‘Mdama: “Yes. That would be best.”

Cortana: “If there is one thing I hope you take away from today, it is that it takes strength to admit your struggles, but doing such a thing will not have been in vain: It is beneficial to you and those who follow you.”

Jul ‘Mdama: “Thank you, construct.”

Cortana: “You’re welcome. Take care, Jul ‘Mdama.”

Note: Thank you to YouTuber DRWolf001’s video “AMWDW FireBrand and Anger Management.” I was suffering from writer’s block, so dialogue in this post was inspired by dialogue in that video. DRWolf001’s series “A Moment With Dr. Wolf” (AMWDW) was the inspiration for this series, “Cortana the Therapist”, too. Firebrand and Dr. Wolf, if you’re reading this: With the similarities between this post and the video, I don’t mean to come across as disrespectful in any way — like I’m mining your struggles, and efforts to relieve those struggles, in an attempt to discover ways to become popular online. Because that’s not what I’m trying to do. The “A Moment With Dr. Wolf” series has helped me and inspired me in many ways. As far as I know the Halo fandom doesn’t have anything like “A Moment With Dr. Wolf”, and I wanted to do what I could to share what AMWDW has given me. If you are upset by anything, not just in this post but in the “Cortana the Therapist” series, let me know.

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